Crazy
by Neonna
Summary: "She keeps telling me that I'm sick and that I need help but she is the one with the real problem. The way she treats our children makes me hate her."
1. Chapter 1

**THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING. THIS STORY WILL BE TOLD FROM BOTH PEETA'S AND KATNISS'S POV CHAPTER BY CHAPTER. I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT AND I HOPE YOU SLOWLY START TO FIGURE OUT WHICH OF THE TWO ARE ACTUALLY **_**CRAZY. **_**THIS STORY WILL BE VERY INTENSE AND IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE ROSES AND GUM DROPS SO IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT STOP READING NOW. IF I GET ENOUGH REVIEWS AND ENOUGH OF YOU SEEM INTERESTED ILL KEEP GOING! PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE ENJOY! **

_Peeta_

I can never seem to figure out why Katniss looks at me the way that she does. After almost twenty years of marriage I'd think she'd be used to me by now but she seems to be growing more and more distant at an alarming rate.

We fight a lot.

Our last fight was a pretty bad one that neither of us has recovered from yet.

"Peeta they are not real! No one is there! Stop this! I can't take it anymore!" she yelled.

We were standing in the middle of the living room when my anger got the best of me and I shoved her into the wall. I grabbed her jaw and held it tightly as I spoke through clenched teeth.

"Look at them Katniss! Look at them now!" I screamed forcing her head in the direction of our daughter Rue and our son Finnick. They were quietly sitting in front of the fireplace watching intently as the two of us fought. I hated fighting in front our children. They are still so young, and innocent. Rue is only ten and little Finn has just turned five.

Katniss hates them both.

I'm left to raise our children alone while Katniss constantly pushes them away and ignores their constant advances of affection. It's a wonder I haven't left her yet.

She keeps telling me that I'm sick and that I need help but she is the one with the _real_ problem. The way she treats our children makes me hate her. I love them more than life itself but my wife is making our lives miserable. I'm afraid that if I leave her and take the children with me she'll do something crazy like killing herself.

She's tried to before.

When Rue was just four years old Katniss downed an entire bottle of medication prescribed to her from Dr. Aurelis. She filled the bathtub to the rim with water and sat down in it awaiting death's grip. When I found her she was floating on her back half dead. Rue ran into the bathroom before I could stop her.

"Is mommy dead?" she asked.

I didn't have time to answer her; I only had time to react. I pulled Katniss out of the water and placed her on the bathroom floor. I began the process of mouth to mouth followed by several minutes of pumping her body. After a few minutes she came to. She gasped loudly as I sobbed and held her in my arms.

"What were you thinking Katniss?" I asked her between sobs. "You were just going to leave me here alone?" I was rocking her back and forth sobbing tremendously. I'd almost forgotten about little Rue who was standing idly by watching the whole thing.

"Oh come here my baby," I called out to her.

She ran over and I held my wife and daughter in my arms.

By now Rue was undone. "Mommy's going to be okay. Sshh, everything is alright now."

"Peeta," Katniss coughed, barely able to speak.

"Yes?" I whispered, barely able to speak through my tears.

"There is no one there. Who are you talking to?"

I stared down at her in a fit of confusion. What did she mean there is no one there?

"Katniss I'm talking to Rue, _our daughter,"_ I choked out.

Katniss began sobbing uncontrollably. "No Peeta, no," she groaned between tears.

I held her tightly; still unsure of what was going on in her head exactly.

"We don't have a child Peeta!" she screamed up at me crying and trembling. "Why are you doing this?"

I looked to Rue who was crying harder now. I wish she wasn't here to witness her mother's mental breakdown. Rue freed herself from my grip and ran away from the scene.

"You're sick Peeta," she said still weeping. "You need help."

She cried herself to sleep right there in my arms on the cold bathroom floor. I couldn't believe the way my life had turned upside down in just a matter of minutes.

My wife has lost her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Katniss

Today started off as it normally does; me fighting with Peeta about him taking his medication. It's been a little over twenty years since Peeta was taken from me and all his memories _hijacked._ We were only teenagers then but Peeta hasn't been the same since. He came back to me for the most part. His kind, blue eyes stayed with me and I fell in love with the baker. We were all we had for a very long time and eventually we were married. I loved him and for a while everything was beautiful. Peeta did have the occasional flashback but I was always able to coax him out of it and he always returned to me.

About ten years ago Peeta started developing symptoms of an issue that I simply was not equipped to handle. Dr. Aurelis diagnosed him with a disorder that caused hallucinations, terrible paranoia, and serious delusions. He said it was something called schizophrenia and apparently it was a direct result of the hijacking. We never saw it coming. After years of constant therapy sessions and _real or not real_ exercises we all thought Peeta would be fine.

We were wrong.

It started off slowly. He'd sometimes sit for hours mumbling to himself or staring into space. I'd have to call his name repeatedly to snap him out of it but sometimes the sound of my voice just wasn't enough.

Then came the hallucinations.

I went to Dr. Aurelis and told him that Peeta's condition was worsening. He prescribed me with something a little stronger to give to him but Peeta was completely and utterly against taking it. He said it gave him tremendous migraines and made him sleep for far too long. He hated the medicine but it was the only thing that seemed to bring him back to me. He refused to take them.

"Peeta I don't want to fight with you today. Just make this easier on both of us and take the medication," I begged. I was in no mood for his attitude.

"No Katniss! I told you what those things do to me and I'm not going to take them!"

Peeta snatched the bottle from my hands and threw it across the room.

"Peeta!" I yelled. I ran across the room and dropped to my knees as I scrambled to pick the pills up from off of the floor.

"Leave them Katniss! Leave them now!" He shouted making his way across the room towards me. He grabbed me by one arm and hoisted me up.

I started to cry as I broke free of his grasp and bolted down the stairs. It took me a few minutes to regain my composure but I finally calmed down. Peeta slowly stalked down the steps and took a seat on the couch next to me.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," he said.

"It's okay Peeta. I'm fine."

He sighed before continuing. "Katniss I know that you're just trying to help but you don't understand what that medication does to me. It makes me _crazy_."

"No Peeta. It's not the medication that's making you this way. Your mind has been playing tricks on you for a very long time now Peeta. The drugs will only help the visions go away."

"Visions? What visions?" he asked.

I studied Peeta's face a few minutes before answering. I looked into his blue eyes which now seemed glazed over with a distant stare although he was looking directly at me. His hands were trembling in his lap and small beads of sweat started to develop on his forehead. Peeta was not here anymore.

"Why don't you ever talk to them Katniss? Hold them? You are their mother! They need you to be present!" He shouted at me. I tried my best to remain calm and convince him that there was no one in the room besides him and myself.

"Peeta look at me. There is no one else here. Only you and I. Please baby come back to me," I cooed unsuccessfully. Now Peeta was standing on his feet, outraged beyond repair. His fists were clenched and his jaw pulsated as he tried to control himself.

"No Katniss! You need to snap out of it! Stop trying to pacify me and open your damn eyes!" he shouted.

I looked at the man standing before me and realized he was not the man I married. This man is full of delusions and uncertainty. I can't trust him. Something familiar boils up on the inside of my belly. It's warm and it feels a little dangerous. Anger.

"Peeta they are not real! No one is there! Stop this! I can't take this anymore!" I yelled.

It's been many years since I've raised my voice at Peeta. The last time I did it sent him into one of his flashbacks and I endured serious physical damage at Peeta's own hands. I promised him that I wouldn't do yell at him ever again as he cleaned my wounds. This had all become too much for me. I'd been suppressing so much resentment and angst throughout the years. My marriage had become a full time job. I was nothing more than a nurse to a sick patient.

I could sense Peeta's mental snap the moment I raised my voice at him. By the time I started to apologize it was too late. Peeta grabbed me and shoved me against the wall. He clenched my jaw tightly in his hand and forced my face in the direction of the fireplace.

"Look at them Katniss! Look at them now!" he screamed at me. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I looked at the empty space that remained before the fireplace.


	3. Chapter 3

Peeta

It's the medication.

Katniss has been trying to get me to take it for years but what she doesn't know is that I found out they are actually prescribed _to her._ After her first suicidal attempt, I called up Dr. Aurelis and described to him her immense state of depression. She agreed to a few therapy sessions a week and soon she was back to her old self again…or so I thought.

One afternoon while sitting at the kitchen table feeding little Rue lunch, Katniss came home from one of her therapy sessions. She was in a delightful mood. She kneeled down and met my forehead with a kiss but as usual she didn't even look at little Rue; not so much as a warm hug or hello. I sighed but I didn't want to ruin her mood. Instead I asked her what it was that she was so happy about.

"Someone's in a good mood!" I teased.

"Yes Peeta!" she laughed.

"What happened in therapy today?" I asked her gently. Normally Katniss wouldn't discuss what her and the doctor talked about during their private sessions.

"Dr. Aurelis gave me these," she said pulling out a small pill bottle from the pouch that was slung across her shoulder. I took the bottle and inspected it before inquiring a little further.

"What are they for Katniss?" I was pretty skeptical.

She sighed before pulling up a seat next to me. "Peeta I just need you to hear me out on this," she started.

"I'm listening Kat," I said as she winced at the name. I only called her Kat if I was slightly annoyed or on edge about something.

"They are for you," she said. I started to protest but she cut me off.

"Dr. Aurelis said that if you just take one a day for just a few short months then your headaches will go away and you'll be able to focus the way you could before! No more hallucinations! Isn't this wonderful news Peeta!" she exclaimed.

I didn't know what to say. I was a little insulted to find out that I had been the topic of conversation in her sessions and not only that but Dr. Aurelis agreed that I _needed_ help. Yes, my headaches were growing a little worse but I was not the one having hallucinations and much to my dismay Dr. Aurelis apparently agreed with Katniss.

"No," I simply demanded as I continued spooning oatmeal into Rue's petite mouth.

"No? Peeta you must! Don't you want to get better?" she asked bewildered.

"Katniss," I warned tentatively. "I'm not the one who needs to get _better_. Please put the medication away and join Rue and I for lunch."

"Peeta Please!" she put her head down on the table and started to weep. Tears were my only weakness. I can't stand to see my wife cry.

"Katniss please don't cry," I stood up and knelt down beside her.

"They will only help Peeta," she sniffed. "Won't you just try them out first?"

I sighed. If taking this medication is the only way I could get Katniss to see reason then I knew it was something I had to do.

"Fine Katniss, I'll give them a try," I relented.

Katniss squealed with joy and threw her arms around my neck. "We're going to be okay now," she whispered into the crook of my neck. I rubbed her hair and hoped for the best. I just wanted my wife back.

"Yes we are," I whispered.

The next morning was the start of my new regime and I awoke to a chipper Katniss hovering over me with a glass of water in one hand and a little white pill in the other.

"Morning," she smiled.

I groaned, taking two pillows and smashing them into my face. She laughed.

"Come on Peeta. Just get it over with already."

I reluctantly swallowed the pill and my wife kissed me as a reward for my adherence.

"I'm going to go start breakfast," she said.

"You sure about that hun?" I asked surprised. Katniss and I both knew she wasn't much of a cook.

"Yes! You're always making me breakfast Peeta. Just this once I'd like to make something nice for you."

I didn't argue. Instead I smiled and nodded my head in assent. I felt like the day was starting to shape up beautifully before I even made it out of bed. I quickly showered and dressed. I could smell bacon burning on the stove and I couldn't help but laugh. Before going to check on Katniss I peeked into my daughter's bedroom to find a sleeping angel.

"Hi honey," I whispered.

"Daddy?" she murmured.

"Yes baby?"

"Is it my birthday yet?" she asked. I made her go to bed early the night before and I promised her that when she awoke this morning it would be her fifth birthday and of course I was right.

"Yes darling, it is!" I announced. She laughed and hugged me.

"Come on. Let's go downstairs. Daddy has a special treat for his birthday girl! Mommy is making us breakfast and after breakfast I have a special surprise for you," I smiled. She was the spitting image of her mother and anytime she laughed my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. With everything that has been going on between her mother and me, she acted as my angel. She was the only perfect thing in a world full of _insanity._

"Yay!" she squealed. I sent her off to brush her teeth and told her to join her mother and I for breakfast when she finished.

I crept downstairs and into the kitchen. The table was set for two. Two plates full of scrambled eggs, burnt bacon, torched ham, and black toast.

I held back my laughter before asking "This all looks uh, _wonderful_ honey but where's Rue's breakfast?"

Katniss blankly stared at me a few moments before returning to a pot full gloppy oatmeal that I assumed was for Rue.

"The doctor said to give the medication time," she mumbled to either herself or to me. It was hard to tell.

"That's all swell Katniss but what about Rue? She needs to have breakfast. _She _isn't on medication." I insisted, slightly irked.

Katniss continued to ignore me and focused all of her attention on the pot on top of the stove. Suddenly Rue ran into the kitchen and leaped into my arms.

"I'm ready for breakfast daddy!" she said followed by a kiss on my cheek.

"I bet you are," I sighed into my angel's shoulder and sat her down. Katniss' back was still turned to me and I didn't bother to argue with her about Rue's breakfast. Instead I pulled out a beautifully decorated cupcake from the refrigerator. I had been working hard on it all night. It was red velvet with a chocolate cream filling. The cream cheese icing was perfectly spiraled on top of it and the silver specs of edible shimmer added the perfect touch. She loved it.

"Oh daddy thank you! Can I have it for breakfast?" she asked. Under normal circumstances I'd tell her no but I stared down at the two plates Katniss prepared for the two us and then I stared at the empty setting where Rue's breakfast should have been and my heart grew weak.

"Yes angel. I hope you like it."

I left Rue alone with her mother and I headed back upstairs. I was starting to feel a little dizzy and unstable. Katniss didn't seem to be getting any better and it was easier to deal with when we didn't have a child but now Rue is suffering from her mother's inability to deal with reality. I felt my stomach lurch and before I knew it I was knelling before the toilet bowl retching. It dawned on that it could be a reaction to the medication that was prescribed to me. I made a phone call to Dr. Aurelis to be sure.

"Hello? Dr. Aurelis?" I asked the sturdy voice on the other end of the receiver.

"Yes Peeta! How are you son?" he laughed. "Long time since I've heard your voice!"

I chuckled. "I've been okay I suppose. There is something that I wanted to speak with you about."

"Sure Peeta. How can I help you?"

"Well it's about the medication Katniss brought home after her last session with you. She says you told her it would make me feel better but I've already vomited once today. Is this normal?"

Dr. Aurelis grew quiet.

"Doc you there?" I questioned.

"Oh yes. I'm sorry I'm just a little confused."

"What's wrong?"

"I haven't prescribed Katniss anything to give you. I have no idea what you're talking about."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks again to all of you for reading and adding my story to your alerts or favs. Oh and thanks for the reviews! I've been so inspired to keep writing this story. What I would like for you all to remember is that this is a mystery! I want you to really read and figure out how EVERYTHING is connected. Try to solve this mystery for yourselves. I want you to have just as much fun reading it as I'm having writing it. Just remember that everything is connected;)**

Katniss

Peeta and I haven't spoken so much as one word to one another since the fight. I wonder if I've pushed him off the edge for good this time. After we both calmed down Peeta stormed out of the house and across the street to visit our old friend Haymitch. Whenever things got too heavy between the two of us Peeta would often spend hours with Haymitch deep in conversation. I didn't bother going after him. I knew it would be a lost cause.

Upstairs I examined my face in the mirror. Peeta really didn't know his own strength. He left physical scars on my face from where he tightly held my jaw. They weren't too bad and I knew they'd go away eventually but my eyes still filled with tears at the sight. _My_ Peeta would never do a thing like this to me. I missed him a great deal. The way he used to smell of warm bread and honey, the way his soft hands would caress my face at night before bed, the way those ocean blue eyes stared deeply into my own, but most of all the way he used to _kiss me._

Peeta and I haven't really enjoyed the pleasure of being intimate for many years now. The last time I remember him _wanting me _was about five years ago.

Peeta was up late one night working on a single cupcake. It was the first time I'd seen him bake a delectable treat such at this in a long time and I knew it must have been for a special occasion. My first thought was our anniversary. Peeta and I haven't really celebrated it so I wondered why he would pick now to start. I watched him hunched over the small cake as he diligently worked. His tongue was creeping out from the edge of his mouth, his trademark when focusing, and I laughed at the adorable sight.

I slowly and quietly crept up behind him and began planting small kisses on the back of his neck. This caused him to sit upright and his eyes met my gaze. I could tell he was a little taken aback by my advances. I wanted him. Badly.

I straddled myself across his lap and began kissing his neck, trying my best to remember where his most sensitive spots were. It's been such a long time since we've done this. Peeta let out a moan every time I located the correct spot and this encouraged me to go even further. I grabbed his face with both my hands and I kissed him full on. I could feel his body growing weak beneath me. He rubbed both his hands up my back and dug his nails into my skin, clearly wanting more. I began to unbuckle his belt but he stopped me.

"Wait a minute Katniss. I don't want Rue to hear us," he said.

I was so hot for my boy with the bread that I didn't want to ruin the moment by going off on him about how there was no Rue. Instead I offered another idea.

"Okay," I whispered into his ear, nibbling at it as I spoke, "How about we take this upstairs then?"

Without another word Peeta scooped me up in his toned arms and carried me upstairs. He dropped me on top of the bed and climbed on top of me.

He started with my neck first, kissing me passionately, sometimes biting. I loved it when he bit me. When he couldn't stand it any longer he took off my top, leaving my bare chest exposed. I loved it. He cupped my breasts in his hands as he kissed all the way down to my belly button. When he came back up he whispered into my ear "I love you Katniss."

That alone caused the stirrings inside of me to grow even stronger. I tugged on his pants, indicating that I wanted him to take them off. Once he removed his own pants he straddled my waist and pulled down my panties.

That night I took him all in. I didn't think about the medication, the hallucinations, the depression, or the pain. There was only me, the girl on fire, making love to the boy with the bread. He felt so good inside of me and I never wanted it to end. The next morning I awoke before him and I stared at him for a long time. He was snoring, obviously exhausted from the night before. He was tangled into the covers and some of his manhood was exposed. I blushed at the sight of it. The way the sunlight washed over him as he slept cast an angelic glow over his body and I wanted to remember him like this forever. I knew that when he woke up things would go back to normal. He'd start nagging me about Rue or he'd close himself off in another room altogether. I knew what I had to do.

I went into the medicine cabinet and found the prescription that Dr. Aurelis had given me just the day before. They were prescribed to me because of the severe headaches and insomnia I had been suffering from in recent years. I figured that if they worked for me then surely they would work for Peeta as well. I know Peeta can be stubborn when it comes to things like this so I lied to him. I did feel guilty at first but in the bigger scheme of things I decided my decision was for the best. I told him that the prescription was actually _for him. _He turned down the idea immediately and that's when I began to weep. I knew Peeta hated to see me cry and just like I knew he would he promised to take the medication.

When Peeta finally roused from his slumber I was standing above him with a glass of water in one hand and a small white pill in the other.

It was time to put my plan into action.


	5. Chapter 5

Peeta

I returned home from Haymitch's not feeling any better about my situation. I walk into the living room to find a sleeping Katniss on the couch. I immediately felt guilty as she lay there balled up without a blanket. The temperature in our home often mirrored what the inside of my heart felt…_cold._

I scooped her up into my arms and carried her to bed. The last time I remember having her so close to me was just about five years ago. Katniss and I haven't been remotely intimate in many years. We haven't exchanged a kiss, a hug, or even a friendly handshake. But I still remember the last time we were together as if it was yesterday.

It was really late one night and I was working on a special treat for Rue. Her birthday was the following day and I wanted to surprise her with a beautiful cupcake. I hadn't baked anything in a very long time and I wanted this treat to be just right for my beautiful baby girl. I was just about to decorate the next tier of frosting when suddenly a pair of soft hands began massaging my back followed by several soft kisses to my neck. I allowed the hands and lips to work together simultaneously while I sat there motionless. I was in complete shock. Katniss hadn't _wanted_ me in this way in such a very long time. After we had Rue she grew afraid that any intimacy between us would possibly produce another child. She never wanted Rue and another child would complicate our already complicated situation.

What I was feeling now was complete and utter bliss. My wife was finally touching me and kissing me, _wanting_ me and making an effort. I wanted her badly. I wanted to show her that it's okay for _this_ to happen and tonight I would.

She straddled herself across my lap as I kissed her deeply and passionately. I wanted to take her all in. I wanted her to feel the way my heart was beating out of my chest. I wanted her to feel the way I loved her. I wanted to love her back to life, back to the woman I remembered. My body grew weak beneath her as several moans escaped her throat and mine. She began to unbuckle my pants as I dug my nails into her back wanting more, so much more.

"Wait a minute Katniss. I don't want Rue to hear us," I said.

She looked at me quizzically for a moment and then whispered into my ear, "Okay. How about we take this upstairs then?"

I was more than ready. I scooped her up into my arms and carried her up to our bedroom. I was a bit ravenous by now. I threw her down onto our bed, ready to express my love. I climbed on top of her and starting kissing her neck. My goal was to remember and locate the exact spot that excited her. I knew I found it when she moaned, "Oh Peeta."

I took my time working on her neck and down to her belly button, sometimes biting in certain spots. This drove her crazy. When she could no longer stand the teasing I pulled off her top exposing her bare chest to me. It was all I could do to control myself at the sight. I cupped her breasts in my hands while I continued to kiss her. She tugged at my pants indicating that it was time. I eagerly took them off and straddled Katniss' body. With trembling hands I slowly pulled her panties off and let her have all of me. With every thrust I made into her I felt as if my body spoke to her. It said _I love you, I need you, don't ever leave me_. She responded with moans and small yelps that somehow made me feel as if she knew what I was trying to communicate.

When morning came I rolled over to find an empty space beside me where my wife should have been. Little did Katniss and I know, Finnick was conceived. That night changed everything and in the years to come one of us would lose our minds for good.


End file.
